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 Overcoming Life's Obstacles 

Our Life Obstacles strategy is inspired by Daruma - a doll weighted at the base. You can rock it from side to side, but it will never tip over: a symbol of perseverance when you have been pushed close to your limit. Our goal is to give you a heavy base and a flexible mind so that when you are pushed to the limit, you will rock side to side instead of tipping over. 

Please note that NOT ALL governments, businesses, institutions, and people are this way. These are common obstacles faced by many. This System of Obstacles is just designed to highlight how the systems are broken. 

This Systems of Obstacles Guide is NOT here to fuel your anger, rebel, lash out, get depressed, or create more violence, harm, and chaos. This Guide is to kick start your brain on how YOU could solve these problems. 

This section also focuses on brainstorming solutions for all these problems, in theory, to act as inspiration for those of you who care about transforming systems in a non-harmful and beneficial way.

The Current State of Affairs

Current Women Empowerment Systems
  1. Are trauma-based and are presented as a Rescue or Rebellion, which is not a healthy dynamic based on Transactional Analysis. 

  2. Demonize genders/races/cultures instead of treating them as partners.

  3. Appeal to warmth instead of systematically identifying systems of beliefs, actions, conditions, and laws that impede women, LGBTQ groups, and women and transforming the systems into healthy, synchronized, and productive entities. 

  4. Cause an impostor syndrome and lack of confidence due to poor integration with "inner" identity.

  5. Done mostly by women born in the West hence focusing on Western Ideological Values.

  6. Do not take into account what preexisting cultural and gender societal conditioning has done for the last two millennia.

  7. Treats the equity problem as an isolated condition instead of recognizing that we all are interconnected and influence each other as groups and individuals. 

  8. Treats women, neurodiverse, LBGTQ, immigrants, and racial minorities as powerless resulting in the same useless advice based on blindness to an individual's and group's combinations of conditions. 

Solutions for Current Women Empowerment Systems
  1. Focus on transforming destructive and criticizing energy into enabling people who feel victimized, critical and judgemental into creators, builders, makers, and artists, and people who feel critical into a vocal challenger to focus on possible solutions, and researchers to dig deeper and find all possible information to make and enable others to make balanced decisions.

  2. Learn philosophical and theosophical ideologies which focus on dividing genders/races/cultures instead of treating them as partners to get to the root of the problem. 

  3. Appeal to warmth instead of systematically identifying systems of beliefs, actions, conditions, and laws that impede women, LGBTQ groups, and women and transforming the systems into healthy, synchronized, and productive people. 

  4. Focus on individualized growth stages for each intersectional group and diffusion of different ideas and strategies to enable each group to integrate inner identities into a fully functioning adult.

  5. Use a multicultural lens including women immigrants, multiracial women, the LBGTQ community, and men to strategize how we can work and enable each other instead of being stuck in our individual echo chambers.

  6. Take into account what preexisting cultural and gender societal conditioning has done for the last two millennia.

  7. Treat the equity problem as an interconnected condition and influence each other as groups and individuals. 

  8. Treat women, neurodiverse, LBGTQ, immigrants, and racial minorities as powerful autonomous adults capable of making the right decisions and providing information to eliminate informational cyclos.

Emotional Intelligence Developmental Stage Obstacles that Many People Face:  
  1. Ages 0-1: Noticing Emotions: If children are not given a stable, safe, and nurturing environment and their parents are given ill advice, infants do not learn the following abilities:  

    1. Ability to self-soothe. This skill is learned subconsciously when a mother breastfeeds and picks up her child when she is crying via chemical interaction.  This skill is also learned when a father speaks to his infant daughter gently when she is crying or lays her on his chest to listen to his heartbeat. ​

    2. Ability to self-regulate. This skill is learned when the child is picked as often as she expresses distress to be fed, rocked, touched, or talked to.  

    3. Ability to show emotion. This skill is suppressed when parents are encouraged to leave the baby alone and cry it out. Baby subconsciously learns that she is alone and disconnected and her cries for help will not be answered. 

    4. Empathy: Due to the above conditions, initial seeds of empathy are impaired. 

  2. Ages 1-3: Expressing Emotions: ​

    1. Identifying and labeling own emotions with language. ​

    2. Confidence and desire to grow. This skill is learned when parents encourage child's effort to identify their emotions and make progress in their learning. 

  3. Ages 3-5: Managing Emotions: 

    1. Strategies to manage emotions. This skill is picked from parents and their guidance - how to manage your own emotions and find healthy substitutes for unhealthy behaviors. ​They are told to be good little girls and not to cry or throw tantrums. 

    2. Tolerance for mistakes and realistic expectations. This skill is empaired when young toddlers are discouraged from having room to explore and sit with their feelings or do something in their own way or are criticized for doing something wrong. 

    3. Validation, self-acceptance, and acceptance of others: This skill is impaired when a child is not validated for a good effort. 

    4. Independence. This skill is impaired when parents refuse to accept "No" from parents and instead suppress them with parental authority. 

  4. Ages 10-13:

    1. Feeling as if they are the same as other humans. This skill is impaired if parents do not soothe and reassure their children through rapid physical and emotional changes due to puberty. ​

    2. Ability to resolve conflicts. This skill is learned from parents and from having conflicts with other kids. It is impaired if daughters are told not to have problems or to always complain to authorities to get protection. 

    3. Feelings of being capable. This skill is impaired if the conflict is discouraged. 

  5. Ages 13-14:

    1. Independence and rage integration. This skill is impaired if teens are not allowed to rebel and express their anger.​

  6. Ages 15-16:​

    1. Thrill-seeking, risk calculation, and hazard avoidance. This skill is impaired if teens are not guided to make wise decisions with empathy. ​

  7. Ages 17 - 21:

    1. Problem-solving. This skill is impaired if parents are yelling, critical, and overbearing, and do not give teens room to think and take their own decisions. ​

    2. Self-sufficiency. This skill is impaired if daughters are abused by their mothers. 

    3. Sexual expression. This skill is impaired if daughters' sexual instincts are suppressed by their fathers or if fathers are not present or neglectful due to Madonna-Whore complex of their fathers. 

  8. Ages 22-30: 

    1. Overcoming obstacles. This skill is impaired if daughters are abused by their mothers. ​

    2. Relationships with men. This skill is impaired if daughters are abused by their mothers and fathers. 

    3. Onset of addiction, mental and health problems. 

    4. Inability to maintain employment.

    5. Inability to raise healthy children. 

  9.  Ages 30-40:

    1. Financial instability due to the above obstacles. ​

    2. Parental abuse and abandonment. Daughters abandon their elderly parents due to abuse they experienced as children. 

    3. Failed marriages. 

  10. Ages 50-60:

    1. Financial instability.​

    2. Accumulation of health problems.

    3. Adult child estrangement and abandonment. 

    4. Early death. 

  11. Ages 60-70:

    1. Further exacerbation of financial, health, and relationship problems. ​

    2. Early death. 

  12. Ages 70 and above: 

    1. Early death. ​

Results from Emotional Developmental Obstacles
  1. Ages 0-1: Noticing Emotions difficulties: anorexia, bulimia, addiction, anxiety, lack of empathy, inability to show emotions or read the emotions of others,  ability to experience joy. 

    1. Ability to self-soothe. This results in addiction, especially smocking, severe anxiety, and harmful self-soothing behaviors. 

    2. Ability to self-regulate. This results in people lashing out at each other or self-beating.  

    3. Ability to show emotion. This results in a lack of communication and assertiveness and is substituted by aggression, crying, or silence. This also results in a lack of trust in others.

  2. Ages 1-3: Expressing Emotions difficulties: ​lashing out at others, self-harming, hopelessness, lack of desire and ability to learn and grow, feeling inferior to others, inability to ask for help, or asking for help excessively. 

    1. Identifying and labeling own emotions with language. ​Lack of this skill results in conflicts and harmful behaviors. 

    2. Confidence and desire to grow. This skill results in a lack of thriving. 

  3. Ages 3-5: Managing Emotions: heart attacks, perfectionism, obsessive-compulsiveness, narcissism,  lack of emotional tolerance, lack of autonomy, inability to identify and communicate their boundaries, blaming and criticizing, hoarding. 

    1. Strategies to manage emotions. Results in harmful behaviors.

    2. Tolerance for mistakes and realistic expectations. This results in the inability to ask for help or constantly searching for a "rescue" and makes a person prone to violence and abuse either as a victim or abuser. 

    3. Validation, self-acceptance, and acceptance of others: This skill is impaired when a child is not validated for a good effort. This results in a feeling of separateness from others and not being accepted by this world. 

    4. Independence. This skill is impaired when parents refuse to accept "No" from parents and instead suppress them with parental authority. Results in learned helplessness, self-harm, or harm to others. 

  4. Ages 10-13: relating to others, PTSD, identity issues, recognizing and respecting the boundaries of others, attempting and sustaining difficult tasks, martyrdom or lashing out at others, calling the police over minor issues, complaining about others, triangulation during conflicts. 

    1. Feeling as if they are the same as other humans. Resulting in an inability to relate to humans, manipulativeness, and sexual dysregulation. 

    2. Ability to resolve conflicts. Resulting in exacerbated conflicts and wars.  

    3. Feelings of being capable. Results in lack of achievement. 

    4. Early death. 

  5. Ages 13-14:

    1. Independence and rage integration. Results in harmful behaviors

    2. Early death. 

  6. Ages 15-16:​

    1. Thrill-seeking, risk calculation, and hazard avoidance. Results in integrating inner emotional violence into physical behaviors of harming others or themselves. 

  7. Ages 17 - 21:

    1. Problem-solving. This results in an inability to control harmful behaviors, and problem-solving, and implementation of non-harmful behaviors. ​

    2. Self-sufficiency. Results in self-sabotage. 

    3. Sexual expression. Results in sexual dysregulation, victimization, and abuse. 

    4. Isolation. 

    5. Early death. 

  8. Ages 22-30: 

    1. Overcoming obstacles. Results in self-sabotage. Repeating the same behaviors and seeking the same situations to close the "Gelstaldt". Each time situation gets worse and results in chaos. 

    2. Relationships. Women criticize men, men are never good enough. Men either rescue and when tired from rescuing, shut down or abuse in return. Sometimes this dynamic is inverted. Emotionally unhealed men and women seek each other out. 

    3. Onset of addiction, mental and health problems. 

    4. Inability to maintain employment, be managed, or manage others. 

    5. Inability to raise healthy children. Generational trauma is projected onto children. Parent project their unsatisfied parental needs on children and abuse them for it. 

    6. Isolation.

    7. Early death. 

  9.  Ages 30-40:

    1. Financial instability due to the above obstacles. ​

    2. Child abuse and abandonment. Grown children abandon their elderly parents due to abuse they experienced as children. 

    3. Failed marriages. 

    4. Isolation.

    5. Early death. 

  10. Ages 50-60:

    1. Financial instability.​

    2. Accumulation of health problems.

    3. Adult child estrangement and abandonment. 

    4. Isolation.

    5. Early death. 

  11. Ages 60-70:

    1. Further exacerbation of financial, health, and relationship problems. ​

    2. Isolation.

    3. Early death. 

  12. Ages 70 and above: ​

    1. Poverty
    2. Isolation
    3. Early death. ​

Solutions to Emotional Intelligence Development Skills
    1. 1. Learn how to identify and notice emotional difficulties: anorexia, bulimia, addiction, anxiety, lack of empathy, inability to show emotions or read the emotions of others, and ability to experience joy. Many recommend mindfulness, which can be harmful to sufferers with PTSD and people on the autism spectrum. If mindfulness does not work for you, you can instead draw, listen to music or write and then analyze your emotions. You can also learn from robots. Check out SiliconAngle - the company which is creating robots to help children with autism. 

      1. 1. Ability to self-soothe. You can use loving kindness medication, a prayer, listen to poems on Spotify, read positive quotes on your Facebook feed, or ask Alexa to play you ocean, rain, or forest sounds. Explore the apps - there are many of them.  Reach out to supportive friends and family, who soothes you instead of advising you to engage in conflict or blame another person or institution. This platform will have a workshop that will teach you how to self-soothe. 

      2. 2. Ability to self-regulate. You can use Woebot or read this Wikipedia page with strategies on how to emotionally regulate.  This platform will have workshops teaching you how to self-regulate. 

      3. 3. Ability to show emotion. This platform will have workshops teaching you how to communicate assertively.

    2. 2. Expressing Emotions difficulties: ​lashing out at others, self-harming, hopelessness, lack of desire and ability to learn and grow, feeling inferior to others, inability to ask for help, or asking for help excessively. 

      1. 1. Identifying and labeling own emotions with language. Check out psychology tools. This platform will show you mental maps of how to identify and explore your emotions. 

      2. 2. Confidence and desire to grow. As you feel more powerful and hopeful, you will regain your confidence and will have the desire to grow. 

    3. 3. Managing Emotions: heart attacks, perfectionism, obsessive-compulsiveness, narcissism,  lack of emotional tolerance, lack of autonomy, inability to identify and communicate their boundaries, blaming and criticizing, hoarding. 

      1. 1. Strategies to manage emotions. This platform will give you strategies on how to manage your emotions. 

      2. 2. Tolerance for mistakes and realistic expectations. Tell yourself: "I made a mistake." Stop self-judgment and continue learning and relearning. 

      3. 3. Validation, self-acceptance, and acceptance of others: As you grow and others notice your work displayed here, you will earn acceptance from yourself and others. 

    4. 4. Independence. As you learn here, we will connect you to different companies to enable you to be independent either via employment or by creating your own startup. 

    5. 5. Relating to others.

    6. We will break all illusions which make you feel alienated from others through education.

      1. 1. Ability to resolve conflicts. We will have workshops on conflict resolution skills.  

      2. 2. Feelings of being capable. You will achieve a sense of achievement by doing projects on this platform that are useful for humanity. 

      3. 3. Risk-hazard avoidance - we will show you current risk matrices and let you modify them in a way that they work for you. 

    7. ​6. Problem-solving. We will give you room to explore and gently guide you to solve problems until you are able to guide yourself. Check out Mind For Numbers.  ​

    8. 7. Self-sufficiency. We will teach you how to overcome self-sabotage and sabotage of others and to create and help others instead.

    9. 8. Sexual expression. We will teach you how to express yourself safely and result in sex-based conflicts which lead to sexual harassment cases and often can be avoided. 

    10. 9. Overcoming obstacles. We will teach you how to recognize repeating the same behaviors and seeking the same situations to close the psychological"Gelstaldt" by showing you how to lift your own cognitive dissonance. 

    11. 11. Relationships. We will show you how healthy vs unhealthy behaviors work and the root cause of these behaviors - maternal, paternal, generational, and environmental trauma. 

    12. 12. Financial instability due to the above obstacles. ​We will give a series of workshops on how to obtain and maintain financial stability. 

    13. 13. Environment. We will give workshops on the environment and ecology. 

    14. 14. Rebellion: We will examine all existing systems together and find ways how to transform them. 

    15. 15. Technology: We will reinvent all existing technology. ​​

Women in Tech

  1. Women are judged based on their experience while men are judged based on their potential, which results in a lack of hiring, retention, and promotions for women. Here is a study on this: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00755/full

  2. When women progress to executive and managerial ranks, they are punished in performance reviews for promoting diversity while white males are not. Here is a study covering this: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00755/full

  3. Women are often not given a credit for their work. Here is a study on this: https://gap.hks.harvard.edu/no-credit-where-credit-due-attributional-rationalization-women%E2%80%99s-success-male-female-teams

  4. Women are often judged more harshly on their mistakes than males. Here is the study on the punishment gap negatively affecting women: https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2019/06/the-punishment-gap-how-workplace-mistakes-hurt-women-and-minorities-most/

  5. Women in tech are often given gender-biased coding exams. These exams often require a 6-month preparation since they do not cover the scope of the work. Many women do not have time to prepare. In addition, since they are judged more harshly, they are often dismissed. Here is an article on this: https://www.geekwire.com/2016/changing-how-software-companies-interview-could-reduce-gender-bias-in-tech/

  6. Women are known to have lower salaries either due to poor negotiation skills or companies low-balling them during the negotiations. Here is a study about the gender-based pay gap: https://www.cio.com/article/201905/women-in-tech-statistics-the-hard-truths-of-an-uphill-battle.html#:~:text=The%20pay%20gap,compared%20to%2033%25%20of%20men.

  7. Finally, more educated women face more discrimination: https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2017/12/14/gender-discrimination-comes-in-many-forms-for-todays-working-women/

  8. Women are often subjected to hostile jokes or microaggressions. 

  9. Women can be accused of hostility when they express subversive humor in order to highlight prejudice. https://theconversation.com/psychology-behind-the-unfunny-consequences-of-jokes-that-denigrate-63855

Solutions for Women in Tech

This section is under development. The main solutions are:

  1. Education about obstacles that women face, so they can recognize them. 

  2. Leadership and assertive communication skills. 

  3. Know legal rights and how to enforce them. 

  4. Executive Coaching

  5. Set of strategies on how to take credit for their work. Link is here: https://garfinkleexecutivecoaching.com/articles/self-promotion-spread-the-word-about-you/get-credit-for-your-work

Women with Mental Conditions

  1. Women with mental conditions are vulnerable and can become subjects of spiritual manipulation (please see next topic). This can happen anywhere: religious institutions, academia, work, family, or any other organization. 

  2. Women can be accused of being violent, irrational, and having no credibility after they disclose their mental condition instead of having provided accommodations in work or academia. 

  3. Women can be subjected to harassment by individuals calling police and CPS to do baseless "Well" checks. 

  4. Women can be misdiagnosed and mistreated by health professionals. 

  5. If women do not know their rights, they can be subject to involuntary hospitalization if they voice criticism or show signs of anger or sadness under the pretense that they are at risk of harming themselves or others. 

  6. Women are often subjected to hostile jokes or microaggressions. 

  7. Women can be accused of hostility when they express subversive humor in order to highlight prejudice. https://theconversation.com/psychology-behind-the-unfunny-consequences-of-jokes-that-denigrate-63855

  8. Can be subjected to discrimination and hostility if they act outside of gender norms.

Solutions for Women with Mental Conditions

This section is under development. The main solutions are:

  1. Education about obstacles that women face, so they can recognize them. 

  2. Education about how "Well" Checks are done by CPS and Police:

    1.  How to communicate with these agencies when they show up announced if someone called them with false accusations causing them to act. 

    2. What they are checking for and their rules and regulations.

    3. The rights of the citizens when they are subjected to these checks. 

    4. What not to do when these agencies show up at the door to avoid confrontation or "suicide by a cop". Here is a link to "suicide by a cop" and tactics for law enforcement on how to conduct "Well" checks. https://www.cordico.com/2021/07/23/welfare-checks-can-kill-tactics-for-better-outcomes/

    5. What to do when these agencies show up at the door to avoid having children taken away based on false accusations. 

  3. Assertive communication skills. 

  4. Education about selective perception and exposure from people with heightened prejudice, which is covered by the branch of communication studies. Here is the link: https://academic.oup.com/joc/article-abstract/24/1/36/4553566?redirectedFrom=fulltext

  5. Education on how involuntary hospitalizations are done:

    1. The right to refuse involuntary treatment.​

    2. Civil rights if a patient expresses subversive humor which is interpreted as being a threat to themselves or others. 

    3. How to communicate to medical professionals. 

    4. The rules and regulations that medical professionals have to follow to make an involuntary commitment. 

    5. Legal documentation has to be created in case this happens to limit forced medical procedures and administration of psychotropic drugs. 

Religious Beliefs and Cults

  1. Women who are perceived as vulnerable can become subjects of spiritual manipulation. This can happen anywhere: religious institutions, academia, work, family, or any other organization. 

  2. Women are often subjected to hostile jokes or microaggressions. 

  3. Women can be accused of hostility when they express subversive humor in order to highlight prejudice. https://theconversation.com/psychology-behind-the-unfunny-consequences-of-jokes-that-denigrate-63855

  4. Can be subjected to discrimination and hostility if they act outside of gender norms dictated by a branch of religion or spirituality. 

Solutions for Religious Beliefs and Cults

  1. Education about different branches of the religious following to have an insight on how they are used in a supportive and nurturing way.  

  2. Education about being able to recognize the signs:

    1. Spiritual manipulation

    2. Spiritual bypassing

    3. How cults operate

    4. Signs of spiritual abuse - here is the link: https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/signs-spiritual-abuse

    5. Elements of totalitarian regimes by Robert Lifton. 

  3. Reaching out and getting support from supportive and nurturing followers of these religions. 

  4. Therapy to address spiritual trauma and manipulation.